He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
