did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
