K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
