I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
