how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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