how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
