I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Randomize
