the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
