I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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