Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
