I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
the condom got lost in my hair
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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