Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
