I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
