My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
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