so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
