wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
