Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
