don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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