It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
