This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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