yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
