Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
