It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
