my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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