3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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