we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
This toilet bowl is my home.
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