Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
