How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
