biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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