We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I will pee on everything he values.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
