I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
