Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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