you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
