I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You've changed since you got that strap on
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
