Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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