HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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