My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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