I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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