Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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