I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
