Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
