Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We have so much sex to catch up on
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
