Non-Jews are for practice
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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