Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
