Already got asked if we're dating
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
