Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
