no, he came in my armpit
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
organizing the empties. That sober.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
