Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just pee around me
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
