It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
