Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
